


Pieces of a Puzzle

by boneswrites



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Set during Into Darkness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 11:10:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6608470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boneswrites/pseuds/boneswrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Helpless, Jim watches as the torpedo countdown goes down, threatening to bring his entire world crashing down with Leonard's last words to him echoing on the bridge. What could have happened if Carol could not disarm the weapon, leaving Leonard alone in his last moments. Leonard is injured and Jim never leaves his side, giving the Captain time to think things through, make some calls to family and take life-altering decisions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pieces of a Puzzle

**Author's Note:**

> I've always felt like the torpedo scene with Leonard and Carol was missing something, and this is my take on it. I kinda wanted to see more of Jim's reaction because unlike the usual situations, Leonard is the one at risk for dying and I imagine Jim didn't know how it felt to be on the other side of the line in that particular situation. There's also a little twist regarding the guys and I hope you enjoy it! Feedback is always greatly appreciated!

“Beam them back right now!”

“Transporter cannot differentiate between Dr. McCoy and the torpedo. We cannot beam back one without the other.”

“Doctor Marcus, can you disarm it?” Jim’s strained voice demanded.

“I’m trying, I’m trying,” came Carol’s immediate response, as they heard the whizzing sound of her working in the background.

“Jim, get her the hell out of here!” Leonard yelled, his voice wobbling.

“No, you beam me back, he dies! Just let me do it!” Carol yelled.

Jim didn’t register his movement until he was standing near the helm between Sulu and Chekov, his eyes glued to the heat signature dancing on the screen in front of him. He could see the labels “Dr. McCoy” and “Dr. Marcus” hovering over the images. Jim wasn’t breathing, his eyes blown wide and his hands closed into tight fists, his nails digging into his flesh.

This isn’t how it’s supposed to happen, he’s not supposed to lose Leonard like this. He’s not supposed to lose Leonard period. He sent him down there, he was joking about it not two minutes earlier. He would not survive losing the love of his life. Jim was mentally whacking himself over and over, watching as the numbers went down…

Jim sensed a presence next to him and saw Uhura from the corner of his eye, feeling her hand settle on his shoulder. She was wearing the same worried expression everyone on the bridge had.

“Jim, get her out of here while you still can!” Leonard’s voice brought Jim back. “We’re running out of time, Carol! You can still get out of this!”

“I’m not leaving you, Leonard.”

“You should! It’s not the damn time for chivalry, Marcus! Jim, listen to me—”

“No, you listen to me, Bones!” Jim snapped, his eyes burning with unshed tears. “No one is dying. Carol said she could do it, so let her do it. It’s gonna be fine, I promise.”

Leonard closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “Darlin’, this is it.”

“Bones, no, don’t you dare—”

“It’s fine, Jim, it’s all right. You’ll be all right. I don’t regret a thing.”

“I refuse to believe this is it, no!” Jim closed his eyes, sending a trickle down his cheek.

“Listen to me, Jim, listen to me. Damn it, there’s no reason for both of us to die. Do this for me, do this last thing for me,” Leonard choked out, his own vision going blurry.

He glanced over to Carol who just shook her head, looking down.

Leonard took a deep breath. “Beam her up, Jim. It’s no use.”

“Standing by to transport Doctor Marcus on your command, sir,” Sulu whispered.

Jim gave him the slightest of nods.

Leonard’s breath caught in his throat when he saw the white whirls appear around Carol. He nodded, giving her a small smile. _Take care of Jim for me_ , he said. He blew out a shuddered huff, this really was it.

“Bones—I love you—Bones,” Jim’s shoulders were now shaking, both of Uhura’s hand rested on them, holding tight.

“Darlin’,” Leonard’s voice was weak and low. “—love—ou—”

The audio cut out but the ship was still receiving a heat signature from the doctor. He’s still alive, for a few more seconds, but his heart is still beating…

“Bones?” Jim tried. “Bones, can you hear me?”

Jim’s mind went back to that very morning. It was a lazy one, he and Leonard stayed snuggled together under the covers in their quarters long after they woke up. Jim remembers how warm Leonard felt under his touch, how close his face was when he smiled at him, how soft his lips were when he kissed him with his hand on his chest, feeling the steady rise and fall. And now he would never be able to feel his warmth again or kiss him again or feel his strong heartbeat under his skin.

In a few seconds, Leonard will cease to exist and the realization was a dagger being pushed straight into Jim’s very being.

Jim flinched when Nyota’s grip on his shoulder tightened. He opened his eyes and stared the screen.

The countdown was not moving. It had stopped with two seconds to spare.

Yet Leonard’s heat signal was gone.

“Bones, are you there? Bones!” Jim called out, the only one to dare utter a word on the bridge. “Mr. Sulu, can you bring him back?”

“I’m trying, sir,” Sulu answered, touching various buttons in front of him.

Still nothing.

“I don’t understand, what happened?” Jim breathed.

“It appears that the torpedo has malfunctioned, Captain,” Spock steadily approached Jim. “I am not entirely sure they were designed to ‘go off’. The mechanism was triggered, however, a vital component to allow the torpedo to implode appears to have been removed, rendering it useless as a weapon. However, I do not know why.”

“Thank you, Mr. Spock but that does not explain where Dr. McCoy’s heat signal went,” Jim sighed.

“A possible malfunction caused by the waves omitted from the torpedo itself.”

“Malfunction my ass,” Jim huffed. “I’m going down there myself,” he pushed himself off the helm where he was balancing himself and straightened his back.

“I cannot allow you to do that, Captain,” Spock said.

“Why’s that, Mr. Spock?”

“As your First Officer, it is my duty to advise you of the wisest possible action and—”

“Wisest possible action! This is _Bones_ we’re talking about here! I’m not going to leave him down there! I’m going to get him back,” Jim tried to step around Spock, but the Vulcan proceeded in blocking his way.

“I believe you are emotionally compromised, Jim. You cannot deal with the situation at hand.”

“Are you seriously throwing that in my face right now?” Jim glared. “You said it yourself, our communications with Bones is gone, it’s been destroyed, the only way to get him is for me to go down there. You can’t argue with me about this, Spock. Let me through.”

“Lieutenant Uhura and I will take a shuttle and bring back Dr. McCoy,” Spock concluded.

“Why the hell can’t I go? He’s _my_ husband!”

“I am aware of that, Captain. But I believe you are needed aboard the Enterprise. If something were to go wrong—”

“There’s nothing on that planet, Spock, nothing is going to go wrong! It already happened and the longer we stand here and bicker, the longer Bones is left down there alone!”

“Exactly, for that very reason I will excuse myself and take Lieutenant Uhura to the shuttle bay. She will beam up with the Doctor and I will return the shuttle by myself.”

Jim squared his jaw tight and swallowed hard. “Bring him back,” he turned to Nyota, his eyes coated with worry. “I’ll be waiting in the transporter room.”

Jim felt like he spent two lifetimes standing by the pad in the transporter room. He had called for the medical team, Doctor M’Benga and Nurse Chapel were standing by the door, a stretcher beside them leaning against the wall.

Jim’s thumb began twirling his silver band around his ring finger, a gesture he did when he was nervous or stressed. Leonard would take notice and gently slide his own hand between Jim’s fingers, giving him a light squeeze. It was Leonard’s silent way of telling his husband that he’s right there, and that everything will be all right. Jim longed for that assurance, and in that moment, standing there and waiting to learn the fate of his better half, found that he felt so incredibly alone.

Scotty was sitting by the control panel waiting on Uhura’s command to energize. Aside from the hushed wheezing sound of the engines, the room was dead silent.

Another lifetime or two passed before Scotty got the command and tiny human particles began breaking down and assembling again on the pad, the bright rings around the two bodies lighting up the room.

Leonard appeared to be unconscious with Nyota’s arm wrapped around his middle. He was clearly too much weight for her as she struggled to keep them both upright.

Jim didn’t think, he just dashed onto the pad and supported Leonard’s body, helping to lower him down on the gurney being held by M’Benga and Chapel at his side.

“Bones? Bones, can you hear me?” Jim leaned over the older man’s body, his hand going up to cup his cheek and his eyes roaming over the unmoving face. “Come on, Bones, give me anything, anything at all.” Nothing happened.

“We need to move right now,” he heard M’Benga say after he read the tricorder results. “His left arm has been crushed, massive internal bleeding and I suspect there’s nerve damage. We need to get in there right away.”

“Wait, nerve damage?” Jim’s head snapped towards M’Benga, horror drawn on his face. “You can fix that, right?”

“I’ll do everything I can, sir. I won’t know the extent of the damage until I get in there.”

“You have to save his arm, please,” Jim begged. “He can’t lose it.”

“That’s definitely my intention,” M’Benga nodded, slipping something into Jim’s hand. “I’ll find you as soon as I’m done, Captain,” was all he said before hurrying the gurney out of the transporter room and towards Med Bay.

Jim opened his palm to find Leonard’s wedding ring staring at him.

He tried to swallow past the lump in his throat and felt like his lungs were on fire. He closed his hand, securing the ring in his grip and whispered out an “I’m so sorry, Bones” before trailing after them. They had already gone into surgery when he arrived.

Relieving himself from duty and leaving Spock in charge, Jim created a small nest in Leonard’s office. He poured himself a cup of coffee that went forgotten a few minutes later and fell backwards on the couch in the corner of the room. Jim knew this couch all-too well. Well, Leonard did. If Jim woke up in the middle of the night to find the space next to him unoccupied, he’d know his husband had fallen asleep right on this couch. He’d make the trip to the bay and cover Leonard with a blanket, dropping a kiss to his forehead and close the door behind him. Jim would tell the on-call nurse not to wake him up and to let him rest. No one argued.

Only under special circumstances did Leonard fail to make it back to their quarters at the end of a shift. Either a crewmember was badly injured and Leonard wanted to stay himself, or they had their hands full and he didn’t want his medical team to be overwhelmed, or if he had some kind of research project in the works and he didn’t want to waste time and get on it. Either way, it was always for the good of others. The couch was a bitch to sleep on, and Jim knew that first hand, but not once had he heard Leonard complain. Jim could see and feel how stiff his husband’s back would be after a night on that couch, whether he was running hot water against it in the shower or trailing his finger against the skin in bed. The CMO deserves a couch that treats him better, and Jim decided to take it up with Starfleet when they return to Earth.

Seconds blended into minutes into hours and Jim never got off the couch. Most of the crew left him alone, knowing there was nothing they could do to help their Captain at the moment.

That being most, not all, and Nyota Uhura was definitely not included in the ‘most’ section of the crew. She waited for the office door to slide open and stepped in, letting it hiss shut behind her, silently dropping down next to Jim. She watched his line of sight and realized he was staring at the ring on the table in front of him. She moved her hand to rest it on his knee and gave it a small pat.

“He’s gonna be fine,” Nyota spoke, breaking the silence.

“You don’t know that,” Jim shook his head.

“You have to believe, Jim. He has never given up on you, even when you were in worse shape that he is. Don’t give up on him.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without him,” Jim whispered.

“You won’t have to find out.”

“He looked so…wrong. I sent him down there—”

“This wasn’t your fault,” Nyota stopped Jim before he could continue. “You sent him down there because you knew he was the best man for the job.”

“And look where that got us.”

“You could not have known what was gonna happen.”

“Is this what he goes through when I’m on the other side of the door?”

“He’s usually right there with you on the other side, but in the rare times that he’s not allowed to operate on you, lets just say it’s usually much louder on this end of things.”

“His arm,” Jim gasped. “M’Benga said there could be nerve damage…he could lose his arm and then what? He’s a doctor, he needs his arm.”

“I think they got to it in time, Jim, don’t go there. We’ll cross that bridge if we get to it.”

“He’s a doctor, he can’t be a doctor without his arm,” Jim shook his head.

“Jim, listen to me, he’s a doctor, yes but that isn’t all what Leonard is. It isn’t even the first thing that he is.”

Jim turned to face Nyota.

“He’s a husband and a father first, and I’m certain he would pick those over being a doctor any day,” Nyota ran her hand up and down Jim’s back.

“You don’t know him…”

“But I do,” Nyota nodded. “He loves you and those kids more than anything in the world, I know that for a fact. And if he wakes up and finds out that he lost his arm, he’s gonna be his grumpy old self for a little longer but he’ll be grateful that he’s still alive and that he’s still with you and those two beautiful children.”

Jim wiped away a tear with the back of his hand.

“Look, I know that’s going through that head of yours Jim, and you’re not there yet. Okay, worst case scenario, if M’Benga can’t save Len’s arm, and that’s one huge ‘if’, there are options, it isn’t the end.”

“Semi-robotic Bones, that ought to sit well with him. Oh God, the kids, we were supposed to video call tonight. They should get getting ready for it just about now. I have to tell Ele what happened,” Jim’s face went pale.

The kids have been stayed with Leonard’s mother, Eleanora, in Georgia. They had promised to take them to on a trip to Iowa when they returned from their mission. Jim was already dreading making that phone call.

“Let me go see what I can find out before you make the call,” Nyota got up and walked towards the surgical suite.

She returned to the officer a few minutes later. “They’re done with the bone reconstruction and they’ve got the bleeding under control, and Ben is starting on fixing the nerve damage. He can’t say much otherwise.”

Jim took a deep breath and nodded, grabbing his comm from his pocket. With shaky fingers, he managed to get the right frequency and waited for Ele to pick up.

“Hello?” Her Southern voice echoed.

“Ele, it’s Jim,” he tried to keep his voice steady.

“Jim, is everything okay? I thought you and Len were going to video call.”

“Yeah about that,” Jim paused.

“What happened?”

“It’s Bones, Ele,” Jim felt his eyes go heavy with tears.

Jim explained to her the situation, assuring her that the best of Leonard’s team was working on him and that yes, he promises to let her know the moment her son is out of surgery and he has more information. She’s a strong woman and Jim could practically hear it in her voice. She was worried, of course she was, but she was also staying positive for her son’s sake, and her son-in-law and her grandkids’ as well.

Then it was time for Jim to talk to the kids. He had talked to Joanna first, who seemed to sense that something was wrong. But she was still young and the limited information Jim had at the moment would do no good, so he told her that everything was fine and that he was just a little tired. It stung, but he knew it was the best thing for her. He asked her to bring her brother on and the moment he knew that both Joanna and David were listening, he told them that they won’t be able to video chat and blamed it on some space interference signal. They said their “I love you”s and Jim promised they’d talk first chance they got. _When Bones is stable enough_ , Jim corrected himself.

Jim was exhausted by the time he closed his comm unit and discarded it on the table. That phone call had taken a lot out of him and he felt like he could sleep for a million years. He fought to keep his eyes open.

“Get some rest, Jim, you need it,” Nyota prompted, seeming to have read his mind.

“Bones…”

“I’ll wake up if there is any new, I promise.”

Jim nodded and stretched his body on the couch, instantly slipping into deep sleep.

Jim jolted awake a couple of hours later, finding Nyota sitting on a nearby chair and scanning through a medical magazine. She looked up when she sensed Jim’s movement.

“How are you feeling?”

“Stiff,” Jim attempted to flex his neck. “I have no idea how Bones manages to sleep on this couch for an entire night.”

“You should take it up with Starfleet,” Nyota raised an eyebrow.

“Believe me, I will,” Jim nodded. He turned to look at the swinging doors through the glass window. “Anything?”

Nyota shook her head, returning the magazine to the pile on Leonard’s desk.

“This is taking longer than it should,” Jim tapped his foot nervously on the floor.

“They’re still working, it’s fine, Jim, they know what they’re doing.”

“First thing David yelled when he got on the comm was, ‘Papa, my tooth fell out!’,” his eyes met Nyota’s as they softened.

She gave him wide smile. “He’s growing up. They both are.”

“They are,” Jim nodded. “And we’re missing out on it. All of it, it’s rushing by and we’re watching it happen thousands of light years away. It’s not supposed to be like this, this isn’t what having a family is supposed to be like. Every time we video chat, I feel like they’ve grown two years. I miss them every second of every day and it breaks my heart when I ask Ele to stay at home with them when our shore leave ends. Because I can’t handle saying goodbye twice. I’m not the same guy I was when I accepted Pike’s dare, I’ve changed and I’ve grown and I have a family now. Something I thought I would never have and I feel like I’m throwing it all away. Bones was right, this isn’t a way for us to live. Soon enough, the kids will be old enough to understand all of this and we all know how that ends. I can’t watch that happen, I can’t watch us lose them.”

“It seems to me like you know what you’re going to do,” Nyota wrapped an arm around Jim’s shoulder.

“I just need Bones to make it through this,” Jim breathed. “And we’ll be a real family. I don’t understand why he didn’t stay home with the kids, it seemed like that was what he wanted.”

“Oh Jim, I think it’s pretty obvious why.”

“Not to me.”

“Because you’re here, and Leonard would follow wherever you go.”

Jim choked a sob, pushing his face into his hands. “If only had I done what he said…”

“Don’t do that to yourself, Jim. What’s past is gone just look ahead now. Look forwards, and as long as you’ve got each other, it’s going to be a brighter tomorrow.”

M’Benga emerged from the surgical suite one hour later, his shoulders slumped forward and his face seemed ten years older. Jim’s gut twisted upon seeing the doctor as he pulled off his bloodied gloves and gown.

Jim swallowed and got to his feet, Nyota on his heels as they met M’Benga in the middle of the Med Bay.

“He’s okay, he made it,” M’Benga gave them a small tired smile.

But Jim couldn’t relax just yet. “What about his arm?”

“The bone reconstruction went smooth and the nerve damage is now minimal. With a few months of physical therapy, he should be back to around ninety percent function.”

“He didn’t lose his arm?”

“No, he still has it, I imagine he’ll be happy about that,” M’Benga squeezed Jim’s shoulder.

Jim let out the breath he was holding.

Twenty minutes later, Jim was led into the recovery suite and stood by Leonard’s bedside, taking the hand of his uninjured arm and running his thumb over his knuckles. He bent down and brushed his lips against his husband’s forehead and cupped the side of his face.

“Hey Bones,” Jim whispered. “Thanks for not leaving me.”

The anesthesia began wearing off halfway into the night, where Jim had fallen asleep on the chair with his face resting on his arm and his hand still connected to Leonard’s. His head snapped upwards when he felt movement under his touch.

“Bones?” Jim blinked, his eyes focusing on Leonard’s face. He watched as the hazel eyes slowly opened and adjusted to the faint light in the bay.

“’im?”

“Yeah, Bones, I’m right here,” Jim cleared his throat. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Leonard breathed.

“How are you feeling?”

“I can’t feel anything,” Leonard slurred.

“That would be the drugs. They’re damn good, knowing from experience,” Jim cracked a smile.

“Dumbass.”

Jim chuckled. “Accepted. Don’t you dare ever say that ‘it’s time’ again. It’s not time until I say it’s time.”

Leonard nodded. “What happened?”

“The countdown just…stopped. But then your heat signature disappeared.”

“Passed out,” Leonard said. “Blood flow was cut. Don’t know heat signature crap.”

“Yeah. M’Benga was able to save your arm, you’ll be back to ninety percent with a few months of PT,” Jim stroked Leonard’s stubbly face.

“Good, that’s good,” Leonard’s eyes began to droop but he pushed them open. “The kids? My mom?”

“I told your mom what happened and I updated her when you got out of surgery. The kids don’t know yet, they were asleep when I had all the information.”

“We should tell them so they don’t worry,” Leonard squeezed.

“We’ll make that video call when you’re stable,” Jim promised. “God, I was so worried, Bones. I lost it.”

“It’s all right, darlin’, a new life has been written for me.”

“And we’ll do that new life justice,” Jim smiled and pulled out Leonard’s wedding ring from his pocket.

Leonard fake gasped, pretending to be surprised as much as his body would allow him. “Jim, you didn’t have to.”

“Don’t be a big old doofus,” Jim teased. “It’s only fair. You asked once, now it’s my turn.”

“This is a luxury most people don’t get,” Leonard huffed.

“I don’t know if that’s a good thing or bad,” Jim shrugged, sliding the ring carefully onto Leonard’s finger.

“I love you, darlin’.”

“I love you too, Bonesy. Get some sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up,” Jim lifted their intertwined hands to his lips and kissed Leonard’s warm skin.

*****

“Where’s dad?” Joanna asked Jim on the screen, sitting on the couch next to her brother.

“Your dad got into a little accident a couple days ago but he’s fine,” Jim told their children. M’Benga had agreed to let Leonard heal in their quarters and moved his patient there the day before.

“Dad?” David’s blue eyes, identical to Jim’s, widened.

“Yeah, buddy, but he’s fine, everyone is doing good.”

“Can we see him?” Joanna asked.

“Of course,” Jim smiled. “I couldn’t call you guys without having your dad involved. He wouldn’t like that.”

“No, he wouldn’t,” Joanna giggled.

“I just wanted to let you guys know first so you’re not worried, okay?” When the two kids nodded, Jim got up and gently slid into the bed, next to where Leonard was propped up with pillows and held his PADD so the kids would see them both.

“Dad!” Both kids exclaimed with excitement, their smiles reaching their eyes.

“Hey you monkeys!” Leonard smiled back, his heart pumping with joy. “Miss you guys!”

“Miss you too, dad!”

“Yeah, how much, Davey-boy?”

Jim and Leonard watched as the little boy extended both his arms sideways at an attempt to demonstrate. “This much.”

“Well, look turn around and look out the window and you see that garden? That’s how much we miss you.”

“That’s a lot of miss, papa,” David chuckled. “Look, dad, my tooth fell!”

“You’re growing up, buddy!” Leonard beamed when David showed off the new hole in his mouth. “Did the tooth fairy drop by?”

David nodded. “Grandma is keeping it safe.”

“We’ll be home soon, munchkins,” Leonard vowed.

“We have perfect children,” Jim said after they chatted with the kids and Leonard’s mom for a while and ended the call. She was glad to see her son sitting up and talking, and she admitted to thinking it was a bigger injury but Leonard dismissed that and said Jim is a worrier, to which Jim didn’t object.

“We do. Can’t wait to get home to them,” Leonard leaned backwards, closing his eyes.

Sitting on his unwounded side, Jim rested his head on Leonard’s shoulder, taking in a deep breath. “So, it’s a done deal?”

“It’s a done deal,” Leonard nodded. “We should tell them to look for positions for us at the Academy.”

“I’m sure the youngest Captain and CMO in Starfleet history can surely land some position here or there,” Jim chuckled.

“We’re going home,” Leonard exhaled.

“Yes we are,” Jim extended his neck and claimed Leonard’s mouth, their lips moving together perfectly, fitting like two pieces of a puzzle, meant for each other, completing each other. No one without the other, ever.

“Besides, I hear San Francisco is great all year long,” Leonard smirked.

Jim could feel his husband’s warmth tingling under his touch, and his heart fluttered.

 


End file.
